I was really looking forward to seeing this, having seen The Matrix quite a few times and having spent the obligatory long afternoons debating the philosophical issues raised therein. The cinema was very quiet (it was a 10pm showing on a Sunday night, so that's understandable). I was concerned at the fact that it was a sequel (oh yes it was), it was hyped all the way to the moon and back, and it had had boat-loads of money thrown at it. All these things tend to be bad omens, but I was determined to try to enjoy it. Things, however, didn't get off to a good start.

I was first slightly perturbed that we couldn't get our usual student discount, due to "contractual obligations". This is the first time I've ever known this to happen. Not a big deal, but sets a slightly negative tone. Then we went in and were subjected to the usual 30 minutes of advertising, until finally the "main feature" sequence ran, and we expected the usual BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) card. It didn't arrive. Instead, recorded onto the main reel itself, we saw yet another trailer, for some "Last Samurai" fluff. Then we got a FACT warning (FACT is the UK Federation Against Copyright Theft)! That was distasteful enough, but then we actually were shown a warning that video cameras etc were not to be used during the film, and that we should report anyone who was arousing suspicion in that regard. Jesus.

In any case, the film started. And went on a bit. And some more, and yet more. When we were at last wondering if it would ever end, it did, suddenly - indicating that it was To Be Concluded. Having dutifully sat through the whole thing, the following memories and thoughts stay with me:

• The 'rave in the cave'/sex sequence was too long.
• As was the freeway sequence.
• As was the fighting-lots-of-Agent-Smiths sequence.
• As were the Merovingian sequences.
• And others too.
• If that guy was "possessed" by an Agent and thus the Agent used him in the real world to sabotage Zion's defenses... why didn't the Agents think of doing that earlier?
• The vast bulk of the characters had very little screen-time each.
• Fiona indicated she'd like to try that vaginal-explosion cake.
• Fishburne has really put on weight since the first film.
• Morpheus' speech in the cave was so corny it made my teeth hurt. My TEETH.
• So, is the real world just another level of the Matrix? Or just the "real world" which our heroes think they're back in after the climactic sequences?
• Is Neo actually a program, like the Oracle? Or part-program?
• Does anyone care anymore?

In the end, the whole thing came across as being hugely self-important and ultimately uninteresting. Overblown CG pop-philosophy in "bullet-time". Tripe.

By the way, can anyone tell me the name/artist of the song which plays during the end credits?

Seems that they all team up to save the British Empire from some evil madman, in a sort of dark superhero tag-team romp in the style of Jules Verne, set in the 19th Century. It sounds like the sort of thing that could so easily flop at the box office but become a cult geek film. I can't wait to see it! I really go in for the whole gothic bit; love the idea of Connery swashbuckling around yet again, amidst the clank of iron and hiss of steam. Should be fascinating to see how Poe's characters particularly translate to the screen, albeit in this admittedly bastardised form.

Which reminds me, I've heard that someone has undertaken to film several of Lovecraft's works...

Other primary characters include Natalie Imbruglia as Lorna Campbell (that name strikes me as unusual for a Aussie Interpol agent; very Scottish), Ben Miller as this year's Bough, and John Malkovich as Pascal Sauvage.

First off, it's a Rowan Atkinson movie, and a Bond spoof, so let's not labour under any misconceptions: it's very light entertainment indeed, and you should bear that in mind if going to see it. It's safe to assume that you can expect lots of cock-ups, physical humour, outrageous egocentricity, and general assorted mishaps. And the movie certainly delivers.

It's not clever or imaginitive in any way, but then I didn't particularly want it to be - I went to see Atkinson doing his usual goofy-spy thing, and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. There's something about his straight-faced delivery and omnipresent Blackadder-like raised eyebrow that never fails to make me laugh. High points included the destruction of the police speed-camera, and Atkinson's assertion to the Archbishop of Canterbury that "your face is made of plastic".

Imbruglia does the work capably, reminding us that she can actually act (I was impressed she could keep a straight face for even a single take of the "I want to do things to you" scene in the French cafe), and Malkovich does a passable French villain, though he does sometimes seem to be wondering what's going on.

I suppose that a big part of the attraction of Johnny English is its very Englishness. Atkinson's character's complete disdain for the French, the Queen being threatened with the death of one of her corgis, the very straight-laced MI7 head, Pegasus, and so much more combine to feel very comfortable and indulgent; a great atmosphere for Atkinson's brand of super-confident foolishness. I'm not sure that non-UK folk would find as much to like, particularly those not familiar with Atkinson's other work, but then I'm not sure if it's getting a release elsewhere.

I enjoyed Johnny English a great deal, and I'd certainly go and see it again. Don't go expecting anything "worthy" or deep - it's pure, lighthearted fantasy living somewhere between Blackadder and Mr Bean - but don't be surprised if you enjoy it a lot more than you thought you would.